I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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