My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
