I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
