All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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