Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
