found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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