now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
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I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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