I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
