sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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