My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
