I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
How naked do you want me to be?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
