We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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