I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
