I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
