haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
