so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
