I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
