I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We have started to decorate penises.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
