just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
