fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
