I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
