I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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