sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
