Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.