We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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