My nipple is on Facebook.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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