remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
