Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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