If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
