She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
birth control should be required to get into college
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
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