Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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