this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
