Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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