In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
