Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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