remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
