All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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