That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
