Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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