break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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