Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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