why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
