If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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