Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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