Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i think i have herpe
just one?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
