worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
