Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
