you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
