haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
