she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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