But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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