she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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