It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
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I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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