I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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