You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
