please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
