are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
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He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
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Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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