i love accidental penises.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You need Xanax blowdarts
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
