i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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