My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
