Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
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He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
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On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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