So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
